party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
