You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
