ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
