M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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