Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
