Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
