I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
