she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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