Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
