Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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