Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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