Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
