im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
