so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
