My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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