How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
