Moan for me like Helen Keller
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
