This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
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I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
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A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
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