I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
