Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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