I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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