i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
