One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
