Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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