i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
