he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
