you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
