dude i'm inner monologue high
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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