Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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