She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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