I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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