im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
