people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
