All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
