A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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