So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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