everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Girls should come with a carfax report
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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