Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
