The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go christen that room with your naked body.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize