I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
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I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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