there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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