I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
