I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
