I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
