yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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