glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
