This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
