I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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