I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
