i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
soo... how was my night?
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