All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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