I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
