Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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