The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
