every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
