I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
