How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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