my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
