Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
