you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
