Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
BRING THE BAGELS
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
