Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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