I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
