I will die if light touches me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
