one might say we're banned from that church
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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