If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
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I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
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Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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